Nothing Beats A Failure But A Try

Love relationships are the spice of life.  There are few things that bring people as much joy as being in close consort with a suitable mate of their choosing.  There is, however; a duality that comes inherent with this truth.  It is that there are also few things that bring as much sorrow and pain as being stuck in a relationship with a mate that has been deemed unsuitable.

Life in its purest essence is plagued by unpredictability and being in an exclusive and intimate relationship only exacerbates that reality.  An individual is always responsible for at least ½ of the final relationship outcome, but often times they have less than 1/2 actual control to accomplish the desirable resolution.  The other person in the relationship represents a variable that cannot be made to be, do, or perform in any way except the way that they choose to, even if, what is being asked for is good for their life, your life, and both of you as a whole.  There is undeniably a massive component of powerless-ness; a person is entirely dependent upon another to perform in a certain manner for the satisfaction of their emotional needs.  Somebody who is waiting on anybody, for anything, is already out of “control.”

That’s what a relationship is, an organized exercise in being out of control, like skydiving and free-falling.  It feels divine to dwell among the clouds, to ride the wind like the sparrows, and it is without question supremely thrilling to be up so high, but what ascends according to the law of equilibrium must also descend, and now you are rapidly falling approaching the ground and your fascination has turned to fear.  It’s time to pull the parachute!  Where do you land? How about a field of mines, one unfortunate step and you could land on: the cheater, the selfish, the insecure, the liar, the violent, the jealous, the envious, the addict, the alcoholic, the thoughtless, the childish, the inconsiderate, the neurotic, the dramatic, the possessive, the pervert, the controlling, and the chief of them all, the general purpose hater.

 There is no possible way to escape the unpredictability of relationships because the revelation of who a person really is, is only discovered after the time when the information could have been useful. Have you ever heard the old blues song, “It’s too late Baby.” A person could be married by then or have children and ties in the relationship that aren’t so easily undone.  The love relationship gauntlet is a race to be run and a challenge to be survived, relationships have slain many a man and woman in the killing of their physical bodies, as well as the killing of their hopes and dreams.  Personal sacrifices are often made for the survival of the relationship,  and every day, that individual dies a little death, because they are not living out their dreams, or doing what they love. 

What are humorous to me are the day to day realities of people who are in relationships.  There are: smelly shoes, hanging panty hose, bags of garbage, dirty cloths, dirty dishes, and toilet seats up, that should have been left down. There’s stuff on the bed, there’s stuff on the floor, there’s stuff to be out, put away, cared for and seen to, and there are jobs with jobs to do.  I, personally wonder many times whose going to be the loser in the dispensation of duties, and get the donkeys load.  I hope I’m not too impudent in this scenario by suggesting literally that one of the two parties is going to be a jackass, I mean donkey that carries the load, of course.

 There are also universal dynamics at work also like the dynamic of familiarity breeding contempt.  A person in love relishes every opportunity to spend time with their love interest.  They spend so much time that they in fact begin to notice the little, quirks, neurosis, inadequacies, and idiosyncrasies about the other person.  The petty little annoyances gain momentum over time, like a snowball rolling downhill and persons find themselves asking their relationship mate who has an appointment, why haven’t they left yet? Perhaps its’ asking the mate who just arrived at home, “Why are you home so soon”?  A person grows tired and weary: of being around someone too serious, or who is not serious enough, a person whose never wrong, and a person who has every answer for every question, a person whose always negative, a person who is always telling them what they can’t do, and exactly how to do what they do.  With these conditions as the backdrop, there is no wonder that the wise maxim says that there is a thin line between love and hate.  Anyone, who has ever been invited to someone’s home only to be thrown out later, can testify to this fact.  In the popular contemporary John Legend song, “All of Me,” he says to his love, “your crazy and I’m out of my mind, but all of me, loves all of you.”   Many of us will make it in our relationships, because we embrace each others imperfections like the theme to the song does.  Many others of us will have to keep on trying and that’s ok, the good news is: Nothing beats a failure, but a try.

Look for more on relationships and what is sure to be an engaging series.